Lulu plus Oxygen

 

那么说，今年就是我的本命年了。

 

几个星期前的一次饭后，和妈妈聊天中我说，今年是猪年啊，这样就要二十四岁了耶....未果，妈妈一句狠话：哪里二十四了，按旧历还有几个星期才算一周年。我煞是奇怪，不解妈妈那窘异的神情，甚至不明当时她为何计较这一“时间”问题。后回想，自己心里开半句玩笑道：莫非妈妈不愿看到儿子又长一岁了？我哑然，忽然觉得也许真有这么一层意思，因为妈妈老念叨能让她掐脸抱抱的小时候的我，且印象中妈妈讲究“旧历”是很鲜见的事情。

 

可再想想，爸爸老了，妈妈老了，怎么我老觉得自己还这么“嫩”着呢？

 

有时候我还挺无聊的，在想“如果我有几个兄弟或者姐妹，那该多好啊”。更准确地说，是每个离开家的几天后我都不自然地产生这个想法，理由当然很简单：我不在家的时候，起码“哥哥”或“弟弟”或“姐姐”或“妹妹”也许是有空在家的，“他们”可以代我陪陪爸爸、妈妈。真可怜天下的独生子女们！

人闻我与双亲在一起，就轻言：有个家嘛，起码都在同一个国度。是的，可我却特难接受这么个说法。很简单，本人的生活轨迹与家人完全错开：学校离家两个小时车程，周一至五在校，周六凌晨赶回CONNECTICUT上班，周六晚得以家里躺着，周日又上班，最后，下班换下衣服连夜赶两个小时的车程回到RHODE ISLAND，周一开课......难得的是我上DAY SHIFT,妈妈SWING SHIFT，见得上的时间总在最困的时候。三年多了，这就是我的规律，不比较任何出门在外的朋友们，关于“离家”的这个距离，又如何以程度来区分呢？

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---不随意---

 

 

 

 

 

 

刚刚得知，Roger Williams University今年的commencement将由第一夫人Ms. Laura Bush来主持，期间将接受honorary degree from RWU， 唉~~可惜本人不是今年毕业，与此无关啦~~

自我不可以只一个的，看了周围的每一张熟悉的脸，或不认识的面孔，盖棺论定：每个人的自我。

从自我，我们开始了认识自己，接触世界；我们开始了信仰，赋予个性。

从自我，我们努力做好自己，为短期的抑或长期的未来规划；我们努力突破自己，沉沦中孤身呐喊沉沦里继续沉沦。

于是从自我，开始了旅程，经历了哀伤，体会了极兴，感受到了平静，最后还是回到了自我。

回归自我的时候，我们都没成为唯一的沉睡的人，也没成功地变为独醒人--因为自我，每个人都在很长的一段时间里努力过分地把注意力都集中在了自己身上！

自我陶醉者，自我抑郁者，自我批判者，自我信仰者，自我怀疑者，自我奴役者等等，都自而然地塑造每个独有的性格，每个经常做关于自己的事的人，每个总是想自己的事的人。

其实，自我不过是和自我开了个玩笑，很快“每个人都会回到自我”。这，就是结论。

这种结论，叶坚颖曾经的笔下之意就更为透彻(大意)：每个故事的开始，就预示着悲剧式的结局。

(后记：本人与叶坚颖不过一面之识，但被她的离世，深深刺痛了我的心。这种痛楚，不仅仅来自对于一位英才陨落的遗憾，还来自于对过往所熟识并离世的朋友的回忆。甚者，来自本人对自己的精神作用下的生活一个瞬间的深深反省。)

(关于生命的某些定义，本人推荐几年前一部大热的电影，名叫“荒岛余生”，“Cast Away")

姐姐，今夜我在德令哈，夜色笼罩
姐姐，我今夜只有戈壁

草原尽头我两手空空
悲痛时握不住一颗泪滴
姐姐，今夜我在德令哈
这是雨水中一座荒凉的城

除了那些路过的和居住的
德令哈┄┄今夜
这是唯一的，最后的，抒情。
这是唯一的，最后的，草原。
我把石头还给石头
让胜利的胜利
今夜青稞只属于她自己
一切都在生长
今夜我只有美丽的戈壁 空空
姐姐，今夜我不关心人类，我只想你

 

最近一个发现，使我又犯崇拜别人的毛病~~

原来吾经常流览的一个MSN Blog的PLJJ，居然是去年Harvard GSD毕业的~~~~

今天，很感谢My Aunt. 遗憾不比我的功课难了，也难了又一回免费看show的机会，不过也好，陈慧琳毕竟不合本人口味....

说起回味无穷的18岁，总马上让所有人深刻怀疑“如今”老去的自己：是飘零？不是飘零？都不是谁判断得了的对错。讲到这些，想起某位强人批俺的一句话：怀旧的人易老......片刻无语。

话说如此，若每个人都在谈未来，不见得多少是快乐的，积极的，惊鸿的。两支烟的片刻，即可从每个近乎完美的msn blog里找到证据，谁都在从过去的光华里找着凄美，悲情，静谧的性灵遗痕。

所以，本公子有时是暗暗地享受怀旧的情调了....

本人怀旧以至于有时承认不了自己出生于80年代，怀旧以至于可以追溯到40年代的世界繁华--歌艳，酒甜，人美。

最近有空怀念军分区的螺丝粉，怀念那股被蛋黄夕阳轻揉下涌出的阵阵汗意，怀念临高考时暗地鼓动的蠢蠢情愫，怀念那每个嚼着排骨饭的早上六点半......

静静地等待这个神圣时刻的到来，所谓谈ContMat.色变的人们啊，本人可无法接受过去三天的累却把这种滋味彻底体会，到底还是像第一节课时被Hegenah描述的那样"most of you will be failed from the first one" 还是天道酬勤呢？无所谓了.....毕竟8个小时后要斩两员啊......

                                                                                To:潘滨峰

选择沉默是一种对撕裂般刺痛的有利反抗，选择沉默却也是一种对自囚无庸的对待；所以过去的一年我几乎没有沉默，但其实那总算是一种不爆发的状态。为了避免把自己的生活变得像日下流行的口水歌一样无奈，我觉得复古还是正确的，理由很简单--我本来就很古老。

关于最近的现实：还是有一件小事值得高兴和延续的--导师和其他几个小组的导师都对我这回的设计十分赞赏.......

传本人近小文一篇：

His words, inspired and foreseeable

         Our ancestors must not have anticipated that the terms frequently associated with nature in the 20^th century include: toxins emitted from power plants, waste combustion units, algal booms, ozone holes, and automobile exhaust. People are being poisoned in a large scale around the world. Certainly, it does not mean that mankind today has not appreciated the seriousness of environmental pollution yet. However, as people try to work out a remedy due to the problems of pollution, the world should learn that the voice of an environmentalist also has been ignored for over 150 years. In 1852, Chief Seattle wrote a letter to the government that attempted to convince them to take better care of nature. Through his passionate language, Chief Seattle both does and says the following to build his argument which truly conveyed the inspiration about the interconnectedness between the earth and human.

          To start, Chief Seattle does as follows: first of all, he makes the sentences resonate so that it seems like a narration to make readers listen attentively because if something commonly relates to an individual, the words sound dominant to human nature. Seattle applies the obscurity on describing happy experiences which have been planted deeply in those memories of people’s childhoods. For instance, “The shining pine needles, the sandy shore, the mist in the dark woods, the humming insect” and “the perfumed flowers” mentioned in the letter are general; however, they become common enough to recall the happy mood of which natural creature ever caused a child’s curiosity and imagination. After that, Seattle continuously makes use of human sensitivity, and effectively applies metaphor to touch the audience. For example, Seattle says, “The sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins.” This is strikingly original—men cannot survive without the running blood and everything bad to the blood is literally fateful—which is similar to the trees. Therefore, the metaphor simply explains the reason which sounds like a responsibility to protect nature as well as to save ourselves. Consequently, as nature can be saved, God can be saved too. Since Seattle always uses mythological words such as “sacred” in the letter, he finally highlights one significant thing: “The earth is precious to god and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator.” On one hand, Seattle furthers the awareness to the level of belief; on the other hand, he tries to imply that between nature and human civilization, which is symbolized by god, conflict should not exist.

           Along with what he does, Chief Seattle also says as follows about his concern for what has happened in reality that not only justifies the relationship between nature and humans, but also shows his distrust, and draws the scientific conclusions on destroying nature. Through questioning at the beginning of the letter, Chief Seattle reveals the dishonest purpose behind the purchase of land when he witnessed “the buffalo are all slaughtered, the wild horses tamed, and ripe hills are blotted.” How can the government make all the Native American Indians trust them, since whites have done this to the land? Furthermore, Seattle implies that the way Whites treated Indians has also aroused suspicion. How can government love the land if Whites hate these land owners so much? Unless the deal is based on one thing, both sides agree—“there is only one God. No man, be he Red Man or White Man, can be apart. We are brothers after all”, Seattle says. In fact, Seattle has no alternative since the conquest of Whites. He just suggests that the entire notion of living in harmony with nature should be based on unity because the truth has already proved that the brutalities done to Indians during colonial expansions have only resulted in a bloody cost of both sides, and have been totally negative to the land they lived on. Besides the wishful thinking, Seattle expresses the opinion through a simple way about the negative effect resulting from human commitment. For example, he says, “whatever he does to the web of life, he does to himself”. Since the day humans have acquired a power to alter nature, nature has also put human in the danger of self-destruction. Obviously, environmental challenges around the world make Seattle’s words all the more timely: rain forest in danger, animal species dying out, and so on. The industrial development, which the whole society described as revolutionary as a war, actually makes man fateful: a war against nature has become inevitably a war against man himself.

           Thus, through Chief Seattle’s passion for the land, we see that the spirit of respecting nature depends on how much we understand the relationship between nature and human beings. Thoughtfully, Chief Seattle furthers this relationship to a social consideration about how people deal with each other makes an effect on nature. As far as people are seeking all kinds of solutions for saving nature, we shall trace back to learn how to maintain the sense of responsibility of protecting the earth, because history looks like a double-sided mirror, one side reflecting the past, another side showing up the future.  

A link below contains the translated version of Chief Seattle's speech which is the very original meaning of what he said in 1852. 

http://www.barefootsworld.net/seattle.html

 

其实今晚还是个星夜的，New England Area的空气如此纯以至于天空总是那么的清和朗。这个星期我成了鲁迅笔下“铁屋子”的人，只是没有熟睡的梦呓，却无异于干热(Dry Heat)引起的毛躁，这样的环境啊，又能使本人与熟睡的人们有何不同之处？Life seems like a parabola that losing control to be up and down regularly, furthurmore, to be regular is uncommon once a life being disorder so that starry and cloudy night looks alike, so that nothing changed while you are questioning the origin of a will or about "self". Well, it's kinda mood of the movie 'American Beauty'.

浏览了关于刘若英的话题，似乎人人都有所好奇作为一个有热度的娱乐人如何常年不为绯闻缠身而依然so hot？天啊，本人可就认为这个刘若英真的按社会人的常性做事了，与众的任何瓜葛都属于是社会在琢磨你的范畴，与己有关的任何生活都是在暗中进行是才得以正常。“奶茶”怎么又会没人爱呢？本人可就特欣赏如此之女人真性格的女子，若真是向天下公告--啊~我渴望被爱----is that ridiculous enough? ...这不是冷嘲刘若英的话了，就觉得那么优秀，年纪轻轻就已稳定在这个社会中属于自己的位置，她是不能“被爱”即所谓不能被常人所爱，“奶茶”所认为的平凡的爱，是存在于平凡的时候，在一个不熟悉刘若英的甚或是一个不认识刘若英本人的人面前。这样平凡地被爱才得以开始，此外一切的....hum,都是不正常的，unstable的。

若英似人物比比皆是却已不常见(所以我愿称其为正常人)，因为很多人不是在拼命地领跑要不就是跟着跑，对正常的我们所曾颂扬的生活态度都已经变成一霎的感激，赛道上景色美不胜收，可惜需要被欣赏的那部分和过程是少得多么可怜和短暂，就像是一场被逼至楼阁发生的一段关系一样，男女都相不认识，但都对性迫切需要，来也匆匆，过也匆匆，生理上痛快地满足过后，等待下一课的冲动吧，反正没所谓错与对的了。一个时代的现象是不怎么能被认为是否怪与不怪的，在new generation认同Harry Potter的同时(我们会淡化对Shakespears Williams下的悲剧和英雄式人物的记忆，会不知道如此之类的对人物概念早已被定义超过千年)；在new generation不再关心接不接受所谓男女只限两性关系的维系的时候(我们该考虑一下如何让下一代认知性爱的区别，明白婚姻是关于生活的开始还是爱情的结束，学习一下这个世界所曾提倡的礼教礼节是否一种行不通而渐渐被否认的历史还是一种需要延续的基本道德行为准则)，考虑一下去承受不分日月地认知和逃避被更新过快的时代淘汰的压力。你懂吗？我们又被淘汰了，因为终于我们老了。

 

Only by renouncing our claim to discern a purpose immediately intelligible to us, and admitting the ultimate purpose to be beyond our ken, may we discern the sequence of experiences in the lives of historic characters and perceive the cause of the effect they produce (incommensurable with ordinary human capabilities), and then the words chance and genius become superfluous.

                                                            -------Leo Tolstoy/War & Peace